He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
