What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
