Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize