we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
