So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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