I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
