just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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