omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
