youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
