They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
