Screwed.edu
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
