I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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