final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
