He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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