Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
