There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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