my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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