we made out on top of his cat.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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