I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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