Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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