Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize