ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
