WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
