dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I love you. Go after that dick
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
