Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
