worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
