You're my little dorito
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
