I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
