Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I think people are normalizing furries
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
