i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
