OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
