dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
please come you make the beer taste better
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize