I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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