I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
