I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Randomize
