get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize