I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
