3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My penis needs a shock collar
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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