I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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