Everything about him screamed your future.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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