they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
