Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
