dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
