Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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