No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
