Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
