i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
