It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
