I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
