I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
