Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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