My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
