So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
