he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
