So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
