We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
