drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
