It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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