Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
