Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
