Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
