He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
