he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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