wat bout pragnant strippers??
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
