He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
