Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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