allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
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